Undecided
by SmartZombie
Summary: Kyle has been having recent dreams about the death of mole. when the mole comes back to south park, who will kyle choose? stan? or christophe?


**Library Conversations**

I shifted in my bed restlessly.

_His breathing was deep and slow, his heartbeat grew faint. He tried to keep his eyes open, staring hazily up at me. I felt tears stream down my cheek. _

_"You're going to make it," I repeated for the 100__th__ time. "I swear to God you're going to make it." He gave me a painful smile and laughed softly._

_"God is one sick bastard, Kyle," he whispered, looking beyond fragile. "I don't believe in him anymore."_

_"Don't say that," I whimpered uneasily, gripping at the hem of his shirt. I wanted him to have fate in __something,__ anything. "Chris…" my throat closed up and I swallowed hard, trying to be strong for him. I held his hand tightly and whispered in his ear._

_"…I love you…"_

_His eyes sparked up with one last burst of life, a ghost of a smile crept on his lips, and then his eyes turned dull. His body went limp in my arms. I held him closely, hiding my face away from Stan and Cartman. I couldn't stop shaking violently, feeling my heart being ripped apart._

_No, no, no…please…don't tell me…_

_He's dead._

_I was blinded by my tears, my vision blurred, too weak to wipe it off. All I saw was the thick color of maroon, my stomach twisting in knots. I reached for it and felt his cold skin. That broke what was left of me. I sobbed harder, flinging myself on the lifeless body of Christophe. I cried out his name, howling in pain, no longer caring if Stan and Cartman noticed. I felt hands trying to pull me off and fought against it, gripping at Christophe's chest tightly._

_I won't let you go, I won't let you go, I won't-_

I jerked my eyes open in an instant, breathing heavily. Eminem's "We Made You" rung loud and clear, vibrating throughout my room. I snatched my cell phone off the nightstand and muffled it by flattening my pillow against it. I tilted my head slowly, listening for signs to tell me that someone in my family woke up by my accident. Nothing. I stared at the clock and groaned inwardly.

1:05 am.

I flipped the phone open and cursed at how unfortunate I was. _The one night someone decided to call, I forgot to put it on silent._

"Kyle?" a warm voice asks timidly. I'm trying to stay awake, drifting off a little.

"Hi Chris-Stan" I catch my mistake in time. "What's wrong?" I hear rustling on the other side, like Stan moved to a more comfortable position.

"I…I couldn't fall asleep," he answered softly. There was silence. "What'd you dream about?"

Normally I would always tell Stan what I dream about, In fact, he wouldn't even have to ask, but recently I've been dreaming the same thing every night. It normally ended with Chris coming back to life and hugging me tightly and whispering;

_"I love you too Kyle."_

I felt ashamed about even thinking about it while talking on the phone with the most amazing boyfriend anyone could ever hope for. It felt like I was cheating on him.

"Nothing. I told you, I haven't been dreaming lately" I lied, feeling guilty. If Stan was here, I would've been a dead give-away, my face easily read like an open book. Too bad for him, he wasn't.

"Oh. Sorry, I forgot." He apologized, laughing quietly "I… had a dream…" Another rustle of movement. He gulped. I was losing you and no matter how hard I tried to reach you, I just couldn't. I love you Ky. I don't want to ever lose you."

"Calm down Stan, I'd never leave you" I assured him firmly. He accepted it gladly. _Of course the only person that had a chance of making me leave you is dead so…technically I'm not lying._

"I love you, Ky" He repeated, this time with more confidence.

"I love you too," I responded firmly.

But I wasn't thinking about Stan when I said that,

****

"You were dreaming about _what?!_" Nessi screeched in disbelief. I winced and took a sip from my water bottle absent-mindedly.

"You heard me already," I whined boredly. She snickered and shoved me playfully. I smiled teasingly and she looked away, blushing and muttering angrily. Nessi had a crush on me. In fact, she still does. That still doesn't stop the fact that we're close friends. Besides, sometimes I just couldn't bring myself to talk about problem with Stan to a perverted Kenny or an insensitive jerk like Cartman. Sure Nessi was loud and rude, but deep inside she was a gentle, caring person. That's what I liked so much about her.

"I don't understand," She snatched my water bottle away from me and took a quick sip herself. I shot her a look. "If he's dead and can't possibly do anything to tear you guys apart, why don't you just tell him the truth?"

"_Because_," I growled, snatching my water bottle back, "Stan is extremely sensitive when it comes to these things. I don't want to start something over someone long gone." Nessi didn't respond and just shrugged. Her red eyes peered at me above her book she was reading for English class.

"I don't know Kyle," she said in a sing-song voice. "I bet if Stan was dealing with the same problem, he would tell you. And who _isn't_ sensitive to 'these kind of things'?"

She was right, of course, which made me angry. It also burst her already giant egotistical idea that she was always right. I stood up and slung my book bag over my shoulder, grabbing her apple as I left. She gasped angrily and glared as I left. I knew she was smirking anyways because she likes it when we have these small fights.

"Bye Kyle" She growled happily. I raised my hand in a signal of good bye as I exited the library. So what if she _was_ right? I wanted to keep that dream private, no matter what. I sighed tiredly. Well, I know how it is when I _don't_ listen to Nessi so I figured I might as well. Maybe I just needed a closure and this was what it was. I smiled at the thought. It could even bring Stan and me closer together. I sped up, now fully motivated to find Stan and tell him. Someone came from around the corner in the hallway and in a flash, my books were in the air and the husky smell of smoke filled my nose.

"So-sorry!" I apologized hurriedly. The person I crashed rubbed his brown hair and looked up at me. His tired eyes widened in surprise and I felt my heart beat faster.

_No way…Chris?!_


End file.
